A Letter to my 13 year old self...

Hi, I’m you, and you’re me. Sort of…

Im really not sure how much the two of us have in common any more. I feel like I have grown so much, figuratively and literally since I was you, and I’m not even sure how to relate to you anymore.  This year is going to be very hard for you, and I remember it well. Your whole world is going to fall apart, but don’t worry, it will all bring you to the life I have now, which is pretty perfect.

You probably already know that your family is going to move away from Selmer, Tennessee at the end of the summer, and that you’re moving to a small island in Alaska. I remember the hope I felt before we left because I was going to a place where I could reinvent myself. Right now, you’re lonely, and awkward. You don’t have a lot of friends, and always feel in the shadow of your big sister. But I am here to tell you, you won’t always feel like that. The pain and the hurt you feel because of things that have already happened to you, while it won’t ever go away, you will learn how to live in spite of it, and you will become an amazing person because of all of this.

It is going to take a long time before you become comfortable with yourself, but on an up note, you do it before most of your contemporaries. Most people never figure out how to be happy with themselves. You will discover that your parents are in fact, just people. They make mistakes, and don’t always make the best decisions, just like you and everyone else. You’ll discover that your sister is just a person also, with fears and insecurities, and the two of you are more alike than you ever imagine, and will someday be best friends.

Don’t fight so hard to fit in, because it’s your differences that make you awesome, and someday you will realize that even the popular kids are fighting to fit in too. No one has it easy in life, we all just fight different battles.  

Be yourself, because you are pretty fucking cool. Who cares if other people can’t see it now, it’s your differences that make you special, and the sooner you embrace those differences, the happier you will be.

You won't always dress in such amazing outfits either!

Don’t be afraid. You are afraid of almost everything that has to do with social situations in any form. I’m still afraid of them most of the time. Some things just never change. But not being afraid sometimes will lead you on some great adventures. I have traveled the world, fallen in love, and quit my nice job in a blaze of glory. All of those things scared me to death, but taking the leap of faith has always been worth it. It’s true that the thing I regret most in my life, are the chances I didn’t take.

Make mistakes, and don’t be too upset about them. Everyone makes mistakes all the time. Some are big, some are small, but it’s how we learn. You will make mistakes about who to date, what tests you need to study for and the friends you keep. Embrace the lessons you learn from those mistakes and strive to not repete them. But some mistakes you will make several times before you learn the lesson.

Take care of yourself. I’m not talking about working out, or being on a diet, I’m talking about taking care of and protecting who you are as a person and your mental health. Your body is only your vessel, and I hate to tell you this, but you will never be skinny or “pretty”, and that’s ok. You have amazing people in your life, people who will love you inspite of your perceived flaws. I promise, you will not lack for dates, and people you find attractive will admire your naked body, and you won’t feel insecure at all about it. Remember that you can always ask for help, from anyone you trust and love and you will recieve it.

Don’t be afraid to let go of things and people. Sometimes we hold so tight to something that we stop paying attention to if we really want it in the first place. This will happen with friends, family, relationships, objects and memories. If someone or something doesn’t make you a better person in some way, then they have no business being in your life. The people you truly love will always be there for you, no matter the distance.

Just because you are about to move across the country to a place completly foreign to anything you have ever known before, don’t be afraid, because everything will be just fine. You have some exciting times coming up too. You are about to meet people who will be your closest friends, even 20 years later, and you’re going to meet the man you will marry someday, and you will never see it coming.

So, take a little time to relax and enjoy life, it’ll be the best lesson you ever learn.

Sincerly,

Me/You