5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Diagnosed With a Mental Illness...

I was diagnosed with Type Two Bipolar Disorder disorder in the summer of 2014. I had already been seeing a therapist for five years at the time of my diagnosis for severe depression and postpartum psychosis. I had been working with my general physician and had been on several different anti-depressants since she began treating me in 2010. I was referred to a Psychiatrist in the spring of last year, and was diagnosed after 3 office visits. She also diagnosed me with Obsessive Personality Disorder and a General Anxiety Disorder during the same period.

Delilah's Birth Day, little was I to know the road that lay ahead of all of us.

Type Two Bipolar Disorder is diagnosed after one hypomanic episode lasting longer than four days, and one major depressive episode; however, it does not include Mania, which would cause a Type One Bipolar Disorder. While hypomania and mania are similar, hypomania is less severe and does not preclude psychotic episodes. While many refer to Type Two Bipolar Disorder as the less severe of the two, both present equally troubling symptoms. Type Two is characterized by longer and more severe depressive episodes and fewer intervals of feeling well. Rapid cycling between hypomania and depression is common and Type Two sufferers are much more likely to attempt suicide than Type One Bipolar Disorder and Unilateral Depression. One in Five people with Type Two Bipolar Disorder will complete a suicide.*

I was seriously contemplating suicide when
this photo was taken. I'm amazed at how happy I look.

1. Your Life Will Fall Apart

Before my diagnosis I was employed as a museum director for a local history museum. I am well educated, with a wonderful husband and a great kid. I had everything going for me, until it wasn’t. After the birth of my daughter it became impossible for me to work, because I physically couldn’t. I couldn’t focus, I forgot important meeting and events, I withdrew from my employees, called in sick often and was basically unable to do my job in any kind of effective way.

The day my husband picked me up off the floor in the collection storage room and took me to the ER because I was suicidal, was the day that we both decided that no job was worth my life, and the stress of both the position, and constant reprimands caused my depression to take over my life. I haven’t been able to work for a year since quitting my last job, mostly because of symptoms of the disorder and side effects from the medication.

2. It can manifest at any time

Many times, Bipolar Disorder manifests in the late teens and early twenties, and will always appear before the age of 50. While I had episodes of depression in my teens and twenties, I began taking Zoloft in 2007 for depression which was associated with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, and stayed on that medication until my daughter was 3 months old, when I switched because it seemed like the medication wasn’t doing anything.

This photo was taken the evening after I
was taken to the ER and turned away.

This was a terrible time for such a breakdown, and I found myself screaming at my baby to “just stop crying!”. I hated life, I hated my child and my husband, and everyday I would think about either throwing myself off the ship dock in town, or just walking onto the ferry and never looking back.

I went to the ER and my doctor several times saying that I was suicidal and needed help, and every time I was turned away and sent home with instructions to try some different medication. I asked for inpatient care and was told that I didn’t qualify, and I would only be sent if I made a suicide attempt. I begged for help until I finally got a referral to a psychiatrist, who has been great in helping me sort through my medications, symptoms, and side effects.

3. You will probably be misdiagnosed for a while.

40%-50% of people diagnosed with Unilateral Depression will eventually be diagnosed with Bipolar I or II. This problem occurs when patients seek help during depressed episodes and many people with Type II will see their hypomanic episodes as times when they are especially high functioning, or “back to normal”. Many patients don’t recognize the hypomania, and therefore can’t inform their doctors to receive an accurate diagnosis. An accurate diagnosis is important because the use of antidepressants without an additional mood stabilizer is correlated with worsening symptoms in most patients.

4. There is no quick fix

This journey has lasted over 4 years from the beginning onset to now. I will admit that the entire process to get better is a difficult, even after receiving the correct diagnosis. It took several years to figure out the correct combination of medication because the dosages and the types of medication changed every 3 months. Some medications you have to ween yourself off of very slowly, and some don’t work well together.

In addition to medication, finding a therapist that you like and are willing to talk to is difficult. My main issue with this is that my therapists keep moving away, which means I have to break-in new therapists far too often. Talk therapy is important because statistically 80% of Bipolar Two patients will relapse if not in talk therapy*.

5. You have to be an active part of your recovery

One thing I have learned is that if you don’t want to get better and put a massive amount of energy into it, then you won’t. You can't just take the medication and expect a miraculous recovery. I must keep myself on a rigid schedule to make sure that I remember to eat, get enough sleep, and take mental health breaks. Thankfully, I have the most supportive husband on the face of the earth and he has taken an active part in my recovery as well. He has come to therapy sessions, learned about my diagnosis and is an active member of my suicide action plan (what would happen if I were to again be suicidal). My mother is part of the plan also, so the people that I have the most contact with know how to detect when my mood starts to change and what to do to help me get through either a depressed or hypomanic episode. I can’t even begin to imagine how people get through this without the help and support of the people close to you, and I know that I am vastly lucky to have those people in my life.

One other thing I have an issue with are the side effects of my medication. The most problematic one is that I have a very hard time with short term memory. I will be mid sentence and completely forget what I was about to say and what we were even talking about. I walk in and out of rooms multiple times, each time forgetting what I went in there for. I know this happens to everyone, but it will literally take me 5-7 times of getting up, walking into the room, standing there trying to remember what I was there for, going back and sitting down, only to remember what I wanted, and then the process repeats.  However, my therapist, psychiatrist and I all agree that is a side effect I am willing to live with as long as it helps to control future hypomanic and depressed episodes.

Back on top, and loving every minute with my Delilah Jean!

If you or someone close to you is suffering with a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness these sites have been excellent references and starting points:

National Alliance on Mental Illness - https://www.nami.org/

Mental Health America - www.mentalhealthamerica.net 

mentalhealth.gov

*Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

*http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=education_statistics_bipolar_disorder