The Friend Tiers...

I am not very good at making friends. It is a quirk of my personality that I have always suffered with.  Even as a child, I didn’t really have friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends, but not a lot. I have always preferred to be alone than with others, which puts me in the position of not making new friends.

J, who could talk to a hole in the ground, and knows everyone, has friends all over the place. 7 years into our relationship, I am still surprised by some of the people he spends time with. I often wonder how we even got together in the first place, and I swear if we hadn’t already known each other in a totally platonic way, then this marriage would never have happened, and I would be alone with Teply Jean and 50 or so cats.

Obviously Teply Jean would have been fine with this arrangement.

I seriously maintain that it is because I really don’t like people. Honestly, I am mostly just irritated by at least 80% of the human race. Of course, 99.9% of people who meet me for the first time, walk away feeling like I am just a horrible bitch. And I get it. I am not naturally nice to strangers (I blame my mother and her constant “don’t talk to strangers!!” rhetoric as an impressionable youth). But, regardless of my gruff façade and faintly sociopathic interior, I still manage to keep some friends around.

Recently J and I have been having a discussion because I am contemplating moving someone up to Tier 1 Friend Status 9you know, because such a thing is a conscious decision). J is confused by my “Friend Tiers” because apparently he likes everyone the same or some such shit. So I had to give him a list of Tier definitions, which probably only made him think I was even more insane.

Tier 1: These are the friends that you think of as family, and would do anything for. Like if they needed you, you would jump right on a plane and be with them in a second. You would loan or gift them money and never once worry if it would be repaid. These are the people you talk about anything with and cry in front of. Evenings with these people are spent mostly talking for hours, usually with wine. They don’t bother knocking when they come over to see you; they just walk in and fix themselves a drink.

I have exactly 5 Tier 1 Friends.

Tier 2: These are friends that you have a pretty casual relationship with. They are people you occasionally have over for dinner, or go on walks with, but when shit hits the fan, they are not the first people you run to. These friends are the type who’s wedding you are invited to, but you aren’t a bridesmaid. I probably have 15 Tier 2 Friends.

Tier 3: These are friends that I stop and talk to if I see them around, but I don’t call them to chat or anything. Many old friends fall into this category.

Do I even Know You?: These are people you were pretty sure have never been any kind of “friend”, but for some reason when I run into them at the Post Office, they act like we are as close as kittens. Mostly they are friends with J, or with my sister, and then think that friendship then transfers over to me.

Don’t even get me started on Facebook Friends, since there are a good number of them that I have never met in the first place. Just last night I got a friend request from J’s aunt who I have never met…