Delilah's First Fish...

One of the more illustrious things about our small town is that we really go all out for the 4th of July. It's basically 4 days of games, events, booze and food.
This year, Delilah is finally able to participate in the Scrap Fish Derby, where the kids use hand-lines to catch fish, and the biggest one wins a prize. When J was a kid, this was his very favorite event, and he claims that he almost always won. In order to carry on the family tradition of victory, he decided that he and Delilah should go to the dock tonight to practice.

She was so excited, and kept saying how she was going to catch a "big one" and win the prize. When we got down to the dock and met J, who was just coming back from a bear guiding trip, she was super gung-ho about catching a fish. Within less than a minute she had a bite and J started to help her pull the fish up, where she proceeded to surprise both of us, by running away. She honestly ran all the way up the ramp screaming that the fish was "flopping" at her.

We tried hard, but we couldn't get her to come back down the ramp, so I got a lovely video of J holding the fish...

The Abortion Pill...

The Abortion Pill…

As a woman who has suffered from infertility, the Supreme Court’s decision to side with businesses like Hobby Lobby in their goal of keeping women from affordable, safe healthcare is disgusting to me. However, I do support religious freedom (even if I do believe religion is hogwash), and am more than happy to let anyone practise any religion they choose. Want to worship an invisible man in the sky? Go for it. Want to believe that he sent part of himself to earth to erase all of our “sins”? Great! Want to smear yourself in peanut butter and sing songs in praise of the peanut? Fine by me, but when your peanut overlord starts interfering in my life, that’s when we have a problem.

I personally, have never had an abortion, though I have taken Misoprostol, which is the actual “abortion pill”, three times. How can I say I have taken the “abortion pill” and never had an abortion? Because when I would successfully get pregnant with J, the first 6 babies miscarried, and neither of us could stand to wait for my body to expel it naturally, which can take weeks. I couldn’t stand the thought of carrying my dead child inside of me, so I was offered Misoprostol as an option to end the failed pregnancy. I have also had a procedure that is exactly the same as a traditional abortion when I lost the baby further along. All of these experiences were heartbreaking and made me question if I was even a woman by the standard definition.

I firmly believe that at least 98% of women who have an abortion, for whatever reason are not “happy” about it. Some do it because they are not ready to be mothers, some because they can’t support a baby, some because they can’t physically carry a baby to term, and some because the baby has already died in utero. There are as many reasons to have an abortion as there are women having them, but very few of them are doing it for fun.    

If I were to get pregnant right now, I wouldn’t get an abortion, though I would be pretty pissed to find out I was pregnant, because that is a family planning decision that my husband and I have made. If I were to have gotten pregnant at any time before the age of 25 or so, I would have walked into Planned Parenthood with my head held high. I have never been a reckless woman, I did not have unprotected sex until J and I made the decision to have children, but I also understand that birth control fails, and accidents happen. If Delilah gets pregnant and for whatever reason can’t or won’t take care of the child, then I will be right there with her at Planned Parenthood, holding her hand and telling her that everything will be ok, and that she is making the right decision. But, having access to Plan B and other emergency contraceptives is much less horrifying than having to go into the clinic and have what amounts to a medical procedure with risks, or going through labor and birth of the fetus.

While I will admit that there are certainly women who use Plan B, and abortions as their form of birth control, I don’t support what these women are doing. A woman should take her health into account and make good and informed decision about family planning. This isn’t the Dark Ages any longer, where women were essentially forced to have child after child until menopause or death during childbirth. Haven't we evolved beyond that? Aren't we moving past women being treated as second-class citizens? How come old men and corporations have more rights in regards to my body than I do? I realize that we live in an "Old Boy's Club" kind of country, and the younger generations are struggling through the decisions of our parents and grandparents generations, who see to believe they know what's best for their children, but what rulings like the Hobby Lobby ruling have done, is shown the world, that America isn't really the Home of the Free if the few can take away the rights of the many.

What to do now...

Today seems to be one of those days where the kid has already been taking a nap for half an hour and I still seem to be watching Julius Jr. Now that I am making the switch to Stay-at-Home Mom, this seems to be happening more and more. I am also perpetually covered in blue paint and glitter, since Delilah is in  "Blue Period" right now.

I am both amazed with the amount of time in a day that I need to fill for her, and also by how fast the days seem to be going. I try my best to keep us on a regular meal and nap schedule, and bedtime is still firmly at 8:00 pm, it's those hours in the middle of the day that throw me off.

I am doing my best to be up by 7:00 am, and have Delilah up by 8:00 am, and my house is so clean I don't know what else I can do with it. The weekly housekeeper is even coming today and I have no idea what to have her do. People keep telling me to "relax" and "enjoy this time", but how on earth do people do that? Perhaps I just haven't completed the transition from working full time, to trying to finally make writing an actual career, instead of just a passion. It doesn't help that Delilah seems to have entered into a needy phase, and J is still out catching crab from 3:30 am to 8:00 pm everyday. It's hard to have a "normal" life when you never see your husband, and your child can't stop asking 8 million questions a day.

This entire new life has come because J and I decided for me to quit my job, that was contributing greatly to my suicidal thoughts and general unhappiness. I can't even begin to describe how I felt when I made the decision to quit. It's like the noose that has always been around my chest, squeezing the life out of me, finally went away. I felt like I could breath for the first time in years, and after a week and a half I am still happy with my decision. Of course, we may also be destitute and living off crackers and ramen within 6 months, who can tell?

My therapist, Julie, says that the entire look on my face changed as soon as I made the decision in my head. And J says that he is so glad to have "Happy Megan" back in his life. I haven't cried since turning in my letter of resignation, and I haven't had a single suicidal thought, but that didn't keep my family from going on hyper-alert. I finally had to tell them all that it was unnecessary for them to call me every breakfast, lunch and dinner, just to make sure I haven't drown myself in the toilet. 

What's in my purse...

My lovely Current Coach Purse
that my sister gave me for my
last birthday.

I decided it was time to clean out my purse today, and while I was doing it, I realized that I carry a lot of crap around with me! So, I decided that I needed to let the world see, just exactly what i deem necessary for everyday life...

Chromebook

Chromebook power cord

2 packages of tissue

Soy sauce

Spicy mustard

Deodorant

2 packages of wet wipes

Extra silicone earbuds

Tiny, black, pirate rubber ducky

Mirror

Mints

Eos gloss

Dental floss

Kindle

Old Elks card

New Elks Card

Gun

Bag of small shells

Pink “Girls survival kit”

Eyeliner

3 different kinds of razor blades

Hairnet

Excedrin PM

Xanex

Lip gloss

Earl Gray Tea

Crystal light

“Super Pooper” sticker

Fishing license

2 AA and 1 AAA battery

1 cable needle

2 size 7 needle tips

Pile of pink sparkles

Stray Everlasting Gobstoppers

$.43

Lamasil

Clamp

2 smarties

The top to the dog’s insulin meter

1 package of DayQuil

1 Package of Allegra

3 antique marbles

Moose Smooches chapstick

Moroccan Hair Oil

3 pens

Keys to my mom’s truck

Spare door key to my car

5 1inch miniature books

6 stitch markers

Endless crumbs…