Was it worth it?...

Today, an infertile friend asked me if infertility treatments were “worth it”. I found myself really pondering this question, because I wasn’t sure what the answer was. Yes, the 3 years of doctor visits, medications, procedures, miscarriages, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and feeling like a failure at life was “worth it” because I am one of the people who was able to walk out on the other side of infertility with a baby. However, I know many people who have not had a baby, who tried every method I did, and more and never got that second pink line on the pregnancy test, or were never able to carry a baby to term, and I hate to give them “hope” because every situation is different.

My sister and I have the exact same infertility diagnosis, PCOS with an MTHFR1 mutation; she got and stayed pregnant with twins on her 10^th IVF cycle. I got and stayed pregnant on a round of 300mg Clomid, blood thinners and progesterone suppositories. So, you see, even two sisters with the same diagnosis aren’t going to have the same level of success while trying to conceive.

The problem I have with telling people to “hang in there” is that I know, that for some people, they will never be able to have a biological child, and I don’t want to shoot sunshine up their ass. My sister won’t even talk about her infertility treatments, and to this day, we both sure we have PTSD. I still hate pregnancy announcements, and have only been to one baby shower in the last 8 years, and only because I was the hostess.

So when my friends ask if it was all worth it, my answer is “maybe”. Would it have been worth it if I didn’t walk out with a healthy, biological child that I carried to term myself, I’m not so sure.