Doctor Who???

Since I was a child, I have always been in love with the same man. He has always been my own, special blend of fish fingers and custard. I am speaking of course of the amazing Doctor, and don’t you dare call him Doctor Who!  Since November 23rd is the 50^th anniversary of Doctor Who, I am all full of fangirl squeals. Since I live a fairly subversive geeked out life, many people don't know that I can nerdgirl with the best of them when it comes to Doctor Who. I keep seeing people doing a post every day for the month of November is a countdown to the new anniversary episode and my first thought was 'I want to do that!!" quickly followed by "Like I would remember to do that." 

For the sake of everyone who isn't a freak like me and to keep myself from going back and re-watching all of the episodes, especially the ones I slept through when I was five. 

1. Favorite Doctor: I always try to say Baker, just so the other Whovians don’t think I joined the bandwagon late or anything. But if I am going to be honest, David Tennant played a wonderful Doctor. Not to mention, he has that horrible, nerdboy thing going on, where I kind of want to just keep him locked in my house and he should snuggle and bring me tea when I am home. 

2. Favorite Companion: Catherine Tate as Donna Noble is my all time favorite companion and I wish she could have stayed forever. I especially loved how there was no romantic involvement at all with these two, they literally were just friends out to have a good time together.   

 

3. Least Favorite Companion: Billie Piper as Rose Tyler. Everyone loves her, and talks about how she and the Doctor have this great and profound love. Honestly, I just don't get it. Her character never really seemed to be a match for the Doctor. Of course, perhaps I am just reflecting my own relationship onto Rose and the Doctor. Since I am absurdly educated, and J is not, I wouldn't say I am challenged by his conversation. I realize that I am with J because of his entertaining qualities in addition to his porn star anatomy (wink, wink, nudge, nudge...). My point is, that if Rose and the Doctor aren't doing the nasty in the T.A.R.D.I.S. then what the hell are they doing? 

4. Favorite Villain: Weeping Angels. The Weeping Angels are hands down one of the scariest motherfuckers ever to grace the television. Not only will they kill you nicely, but they will make sure you shit yourself before you do it. 

5. Favorite Alien: Judoon, mainly because I like hearing Ten say "Jadoon, platoon upon the moon." Not to mention that they look like rhinoceros, but no one ever seems to mention that part.

6. Favorite Special Episode: The Waters of Mars made me cry and cry, and I still cry when I watch it today. I loved Adelaid, and how she was an amazing and strong character, even if she was only ever going to be in one episode. 

7. Favorite Season: 4, because it's Donna's

8. Favorite Master: John Simm because he was delightfully evil, and even looked kind of foxy while doing it. 

9. Least Favorite Season: 3. I do love Martha Jones and think she did a great job, and love how she was a wonderful transition from the Rose Days to the Donna Days. But I always felt she got the short end of the stick as a companion. But season 3 was basically just this totally awesome character following a sad Doctor around. 

10. Saddest Episode:  The End of Time, for obvious reasons. Oh, when I found out Wilf was the one who "knocked four times" I became a hysterical mess. 

11. Funniest Episode: Partners in Crime. The entire scene through the windows, should have won awards.

12. Episode that Scared you most: The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, because this little bastard was fucking terrifying!!!

13. Character you hate that everyone else likes: Rose!!!! I just don't get it!!

14. Most annoying character: Jackson Lake. Yes, he was only in one episode, but that episode was enough for me to decide that I did not want him as the next doctor. Thankfully it was just those damn Cybermen. Jackson Lake makes a way better one eyed, zombie killing, governor anyway. 

15. Favorite Actor: John Barrymore as Captain Jack Harkness, because it is refreshing to have an attractive character that you know, for sure would have your thighs around his neck regardless of your race, creed or gender. 

16. Least Favorite Actor: Noel Clark as Mickey Smith

17. Favorite Writer: Mark Gatiss. He writes some of the funniest episodes.

18. Favorite Couple: Amy and Rory. What I loved most about Amy and Rory is that they were always the only ones for each other. Across space and time, this girl and this boy loved each other. 

19. Favorite friendship: Donna and the Doctor

20. Favorite spin-off: Torchwood : Children of Earth

And look, it's got the 12th Doctor already in it!

21. Favorite Quote: “The thing is Adam, time travel is like visiting Paris. You can’t just read the guidebook; you’ve got to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers!”

22. Favorite catchphrase: “Hello Sweetie”

23. Favorite interview: Ummmmm, I have no idea. I barely have time to watch the show, much less to keep up on their interviews.

24. Favorite gif:

This is obviously what happiness looks like

25. Favorite guest star: Simon Pegg as The Editor or Mark Gatiss as Richard Lazarus

Because Albino Shaun of the Dead can scare the pants off anyone

And you thought Mycroft Holmes couldn't get any creepier.

4 Reasons to have a kid, even when you don’t like them…

I will be the first to admit, I don’t like kids. They’re loud, dirty, and they say “look what I can do” way too much. They endlessly want things from you, when all you want to do is bury your head in a vat of wine and drink the sorrow of your soul crushing life away. I find their endless drivel annoying, and can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would choose to give up their adult life to taking care of a child that will probably insist that you pay for their therapy in the future because you made them this way anyway.

Nevertheless, I do have a kid. One that took a ton of money and years of infertility treatments to get, and I just paid her off last week, so I guess I have to keep her. So, from one mother who loathes kids to another childless person whom loathes kids, they really do have some good attributes.

1.      1.  They’re funny

My kid is hysterical, at least to me. I recently had a discussion with her about why it’s not okay to lick strangers on the forehead. She dances and sings, shakes and wiggles and says crazy shit like “Dad, you have a vagina and its name is peanut”. Don’t even get me started on the crazy shit I hear through the baby monitor at 3am.

For some reason, all sunglasses must be worn upside down.

She dresses herself in funny outfits, and gives her toys strange and completely inappropriate names. She will yell out anything you tell her to, and horrify those around you, while you try to hide your laugh a midst some well-timed coughs.

I call this one "Homeless Chic"

    

















x    Excuses

Ever notice who gets first crack on getting holidays and special events off at work? The moms. Having a kid totally lets you make excuses for all sorts of things. Don’t want to go to work? Call in with “my child is sick”, and then pack that little monster off to daycare and take a nap. Want to get out of some event? Send an apology along with “I can’t find a babysitter and I don’t want to mess up my darling’s nighttime routine.” Who will call you out on that? No one! Why? Because the second you question a mom on anything that has to do with their kid, they will go ape shit crazy on you, and no one wants to send a mom on the warpath.

3.       3. Parents

Your parents have been making you crazy for your entire life, isn’t it time you shared the wealth? From firsthand experience, I can tell you that one that baby makes its grand entrance; your parents will basically forget that you even exist. My mother won’t even come over if the monster is asleep, and that freedom from her scrutiny is wonderful.

Here is a picture of that trip to my sisters,
 which basically sums up the entire experience.

Of course this freedom is a double edged sword, because though you may have succeeded in getting your mother off your back, she has now turned into a grandmother. Remember your grandmother? Mine always had candy and let me watch soap operas all day. She shoved me full of sweets and Kool-Aid and then sent me on my merry way. The greatest thing about my grandparent’s houses was that the rules didn’t apply and I could do basically whatever I wanted.

We recently returned from a trip to my sister’s house where my mother was left alone with my daughter and my sister’s three kids for four days, and it took at least three times that amount of time to turn my child back into a person I could actually live with. On the up side, I usually have an overnight babysitter when I feel like acting like I am 23 instead of 33.

4.       4. Blame

Nothing is easier than moving the blame over to your two year old. Honestly, they are the perfect scape goats. Forget to buy someone a birthday present? All you have to say is “Oh, little Suzie wandered off with it and now I have to go looking.” And you have just bought yourself weeks of time before having to actually find a gift, and if you are really lucky, the recipient will forget anyway. If you break something say “Suzie scaled the bookshelf and knocked your Faberge Egg collection to the ground.”

"Sorry Daddy, Mom, I mean I,
broke your $200 headphones."

If you lose something you can say “My little monster keeps hiding things from me.” It’s the perfect solution because who can question a toddler? You can’t understand what they are saying 90% of the time anyway, and since they are little monkey thieves naturally, it’s a very plausible excuse to get yourself out of trouble. Although, this tactic can only work for so long, so I am not sure what I will do when you can actually understand her.

Don't get me wrong, she still has her downsides. I swear I have talked about her bowl movements with more people than I care to count. Lets also mention how fucking expensive she is. Not only did we shell out thousands and thousands of dollars to get pregnant (or roughly the same amount I spent on useless birth control since I was 16), but then you have to buy all sorts of things for them. The food alone is going to send me into the poor house, and I have a good job, making good money. Don't even get me started on how I spent two years mail ordering special diapers because she was allergic to all of the ones I could buy locally. And she wakes up really fucking early, every single day.