Sometimes I feel like I have come so far in regards to my infertility and the loss of my five pregnancies. I mean, I won the big prize didn’t I? I brought home a healthy, happy, wonderful daughter three months ago.
But sometimes, all of it comes crashing down again. I remember my five babies that I will never meet. I wonder what they may have looked like. Would they have been blond and blue eyed like Delilah? Would they have been up all night, or hated the bath tub? What would their smiles have looked like? And then I feel guilty because if even one of those children had survived then I wouldn’t have Delilah and having her is the most amazing, magical thing I have ever done in my whole life.
I still miss my other babies though and I miss the innocence of not knowing the pain of losing your child before you ever get to meet them.
But sometimes, all of it comes crashing down again. I remember my five babies that I will never meet. I wonder what they may have looked like. Would they have been blond and blue eyed like Delilah? Would they have been up all night, or hated the bath tub? What would their smiles have looked like? And then I feel guilty because if even one of those children had survived then I wouldn’t have Delilah and having her is the most amazing, magical thing I have ever done in my whole life.
I still miss my other babies though and I miss the innocence of not knowing the pain of losing your child before you ever get to meet them.
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