Whole Wheat Bagels Recipe and Tutorial

Have you ever had a homemade bagel? Did you even know such a thing was possible? Why would you make bagels when you can just go buy some at the store?

Homemade bagels are like little gifts of heaven, right in our own houses. A homemade bagel is so good that you will want to just eat it all by itself. The following recipe and tutorial will show you how to make big, amazing whole wheat bagels. You can elaborate on this recipe by adding flavorings, or dried fruit to the dough, or you can add toppings like onions, sesame seeds, etc. to the top

Sponge:

• 1 tsp. dry yeast
• 2 c. bread flour
• 2 c. whole wheat flour
• 2 ½ c. warm water

The Dough is very stiff, and your mixer
may protest slightly.

Firstly, add all of the sponge ingredients to your stand mixer and mix until combined with the hook attachment. This dough will be very sticky. Place it in a greased bowl, cover with plastic and let it sit for 2 hours.

Dough:

• ½ tsp. dry yeast
• 2 ¾ c. bread flour
• 1 c. whole wheat flour
• 2 ¾ tsp. salt
• 1 tbs. honey

Add all of the dough ingredients into the mixing bowl and add sponge. (FYI, I add the sponge first and then scoop the dough mixture ¼ cup at a time into the sponge with the mixer on low. If you don’t do this, your mixer will undoubtedly sling flour everywhere.) Mix on low until combined, then bump up your speed to medium and let it go for 6 minutes. (FYI, make sure you have your mixer on a good surface, because this dough will cause it to move. I made this mistake once and my entire kitchenaid mixer fell on the floor while also cutting its power cord in half on the blade for the food processor. Luckily, almost everything on a Kitchenaid is replaceable.)

Divide dough into 8 or 16 pieces and form into
balls.

Let this mixture rise in a greased and covered bowl in a warmish spot until doubled in size. Roll the mixture out on a floured board and punch it down, then divide into 8 pieces, form them into bagel shapes, place on a greased cookie sheet and cover. Let  the bagels rise overnight or until they have doubled in size.

Allow bagels to rise overnight or until they have
doubled in size.

Boiling Water:

• 1 tbs baking soda
• 4 c. boiling water
• 3 tbs. cornmeal

Boiling bagels is easy and nothing to be scared of. I use a large saucepan that can hold 2 bagels at a time. Fill with enough water to cover half of the bagel, about 4 cups, and bring to a boil. Add the baking soda and carefully place bagels into the water and cook for 1 minute on each side. If you want your finished product to be pretty, take special care at this stage to not distort them, because how they set in the water is how they will look out of the oven, also make sure not to squish them, otherwise they won’t be light and fluffy.

Remove from water and place on a cookie sheet dusted with cornmeal until all of the bagels are boiled.

(FYI, if you are going to put toppings on your bagels, do it after you have added the egg wash in the last step, since the egg will help the toppings stick.)

Baking:

• 1 egg
• 1 tbs. water

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees. Make a wash with the egg and water and go over each bagel with it to get the shiny brown crust that we know and love so well. Bake bagels for 10 minutes. It’s important to let your bagels cool down before enjoying so that the structure of the bagel is intact, otherwise, it will just be a hot mess, literally. (FYI, these bagels are enormous, if you would like smaller bagels, cut the dough into 16 pieces, which will still give you large bagels.)

You may leave your bagels in a plastic bag on the counter for up to a week, or freeze for up to 4 months. ENJOY!

Mom...

An Ode To My Mother, On Mother's Day

Mom,
You are seriously the best mom in the world! You taught me sou much and are still teaching. You teach me how to embrace life, and to live in the moment. You teach me that no matter what other people say, or what my own mind says, I am good enough to do anything I put my mind to. You have taught me about unconditional love. You taught me that you have always had my best interest at heart, even if I didn't think so at the time.

I once heard someone say that you never really appreciate your mother until you become a mother yourself, and truer words could not ever be spoken. You are an amazing grandmother, and the fact that Delilah always wants to be with you is a testament to that. You are her very best friend, and I think it would be wonderful if the two of you continue to be that way forever.

You give all the time, and never expect for it to be returned, and you are so popular in town that people constantly sing your praises to me. I strive to be like you everyday.

Love,
Megan

Dear Delilah...

Dear Delilah…

You blew a million bubbles at Aunt Kathy and Uncle Steve's house

My dearest peanut. We have just returned from an epic adventure! We went to Tennessee to visit GG and we did so many exciting things. You rode a camel, and saw a shrunken head. You played in a creek with Poppi, and roasted marshmallows with cousins. We even smuggled a hedgehog all the way home to Alaska.

You rode Cotton the Camel at the Memphis Zoo three times!

The Shrunken Head at the Pink Palace Museum

I had such a good time with you. You are so much fun and you are so smart. You showed me how accepting of different people and places you are. You tried new foods, and fell in love with fried pickles.

You made friends wherever we went, and insisted we have everyone over for a playdate. You ran into a group of what I assume were gang members and insisted they all push you on the swing, which they did!

It was so important to Mommy that you meet GG, who is my great grandmother, and you were so nice and polite with her, even when it went against your nature.

Serious talk with GG over ice cream at YoLo

You probably didn’t realize that this trip was very hard for me, and I realized a lot of things about myself while we were there. The main thing I realized is that I didn't really fit in there anymore, but I also realized that was ok. I don’t need to fit in anywhere, and neither do you. Being yourself will make you so much happier than trying to conform to an idea.  I also learned that sometimes you have to let the past go, because it isn’t worth holding on to. 

The Memphis Zoo

I hope you remember parts of this trip. I’m sure you will, since you have the memory of an elephant. I loved spending time with you, even if you did turn into a monster every now and then.

I love you more than summertime and cooking shows,

Mom

I even got licked with Aunt Kathy

5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Diagnosed With a Mental Illness...

I was diagnosed with Type Two Bipolar Disorder disorder in the summer of 2014. I had already been seeing a therapist for five years at the time of my diagnosis for severe depression and postpartum psychosis. I had been working with my general physician and had been on several different anti-depressants since she began treating me in 2010. I was referred to a Psychiatrist in the spring of last year, and was diagnosed after 3 office visits. She also diagnosed me with Obsessive Personality Disorder and a General Anxiety Disorder during the same period.

Delilah's Birth Day, little was I to know the road that lay ahead of all of us.

Type Two Bipolar Disorder is diagnosed after one hypomanic episode lasting longer than four days, and one major depressive episode; however, it does not include Mania, which would cause a Type One Bipolar Disorder. While hypomania and mania are similar, hypomania is less severe and does not preclude psychotic episodes. While many refer to Type Two Bipolar Disorder as the less severe of the two, both present equally troubling symptoms. Type Two is characterized by longer and more severe depressive episodes and fewer intervals of feeling well. Rapid cycling between hypomania and depression is common and Type Two sufferers are much more likely to attempt suicide than Type One Bipolar Disorder and Unilateral Depression. One in Five people with Type Two Bipolar Disorder will complete a suicide.*

I was seriously contemplating suicide when
this photo was taken. I'm amazed at how happy I look.

1. Your Life Will Fall Apart

Before my diagnosis I was employed as a museum director for a local history museum. I am well educated, with a wonderful husband and a great kid. I had everything going for me, until it wasn’t. After the birth of my daughter it became impossible for me to work, because I physically couldn’t. I couldn’t focus, I forgot important meeting and events, I withdrew from my employees, called in sick often and was basically unable to do my job in any kind of effective way.

The day my husband picked me up off the floor in the collection storage room and took me to the ER because I was suicidal, was the day that we both decided that no job was worth my life, and the stress of both the position, and constant reprimands caused my depression to take over my life. I haven’t been able to work for a year since quitting my last job, mostly because of symptoms of the disorder and side effects from the medication.

2. It can manifest at any time

Many times, Bipolar Disorder manifests in the late teens and early twenties, and will always appear before the age of 50. While I had episodes of depression in my teens and twenties, I began taking Zoloft in 2007 for depression which was associated with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, and stayed on that medication until my daughter was 3 months old, when I switched because it seemed like the medication wasn’t doing anything.

This photo was taken the evening after I
was taken to the ER and turned away.

This was a terrible time for such a breakdown, and I found myself screaming at my baby to “just stop crying!”. I hated life, I hated my child and my husband, and everyday I would think about either throwing myself off the ship dock in town, or just walking onto the ferry and never looking back.

I went to the ER and my doctor several times saying that I was suicidal and needed help, and every time I was turned away and sent home with instructions to try some different medication. I asked for inpatient care and was told that I didn’t qualify, and I would only be sent if I made a suicide attempt. I begged for help until I finally got a referral to a psychiatrist, who has been great in helping me sort through my medications, symptoms, and side effects.

3. You will probably be misdiagnosed for a while.

40%-50% of people diagnosed with Unilateral Depression will eventually be diagnosed with Bipolar I or II. This problem occurs when patients seek help during depressed episodes and many people with Type II will see their hypomanic episodes as times when they are especially high functioning, or “back to normal”. Many patients don’t recognize the hypomania, and therefore can’t inform their doctors to receive an accurate diagnosis. An accurate diagnosis is important because the use of antidepressants without an additional mood stabilizer is correlated with worsening symptoms in most patients.

4. There is no quick fix

This journey has lasted over 4 years from the beginning onset to now. I will admit that the entire process to get better is a difficult, even after receiving the correct diagnosis. It took several years to figure out the correct combination of medication because the dosages and the types of medication changed every 3 months. Some medications you have to ween yourself off of very slowly, and some don’t work well together.

In addition to medication, finding a therapist that you like and are willing to talk to is difficult. My main issue with this is that my therapists keep moving away, which means I have to break-in new therapists far too often. Talk therapy is important because statistically 80% of Bipolar Two patients will relapse if not in talk therapy*.

5. You have to be an active part of your recovery

One thing I have learned is that if you don’t want to get better and put a massive amount of energy into it, then you won’t. You can't just take the medication and expect a miraculous recovery. I must keep myself on a rigid schedule to make sure that I remember to eat, get enough sleep, and take mental health breaks. Thankfully, I have the most supportive husband on the face of the earth and he has taken an active part in my recovery as well. He has come to therapy sessions, learned about my diagnosis and is an active member of my suicide action plan (what would happen if I were to again be suicidal). My mother is part of the plan also, so the people that I have the most contact with know how to detect when my mood starts to change and what to do to help me get through either a depressed or hypomanic episode. I can’t even begin to imagine how people get through this without the help and support of the people close to you, and I know that I am vastly lucky to have those people in my life.

One other thing I have an issue with are the side effects of my medication. The most problematic one is that I have a very hard time with short term memory. I will be mid sentence and completely forget what I was about to say and what we were even talking about. I walk in and out of rooms multiple times, each time forgetting what I went in there for. I know this happens to everyone, but it will literally take me 5-7 times of getting up, walking into the room, standing there trying to remember what I was there for, going back and sitting down, only to remember what I wanted, and then the process repeats.  However, my therapist, psychiatrist and I all agree that is a side effect I am willing to live with as long as it helps to control future hypomanic and depressed episodes.

Back on top, and loving every minute with my Delilah Jean!

If you or someone close to you is suffering with a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness these sites have been excellent references and starting points:

National Alliance on Mental Illness - https://www.nami.org/

Mental Health America - www.mentalhealthamerica.net 

mentalhealth.gov

*Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

*http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=education_statistics_bipolar_disorder

A Letter to my 13 year old self...

Hi, I’m you, and you’re me. Sort of…

Im really not sure how much the two of us have in common any more. I feel like I have grown so much, figuratively and literally since I was you, and I’m not even sure how to relate to you anymore.  This year is going to be very hard for you, and I remember it well. Your whole world is going to fall apart, but don’t worry, it will all bring you to the life I have now, which is pretty perfect.

You probably already know that your family is going to move away from Selmer, Tennessee at the end of the summer, and that you’re moving to a small island in Alaska. I remember the hope I felt before we left because I was going to a place where I could reinvent myself. Right now, you’re lonely, and awkward. You don’t have a lot of friends, and always feel in the shadow of your big sister. But I am here to tell you, you won’t always feel like that. The pain and the hurt you feel because of things that have already happened to you, while it won’t ever go away, you will learn how to live in spite of it, and you will become an amazing person because of all of this.

It is going to take a long time before you become comfortable with yourself, but on an up note, you do it before most of your contemporaries. Most people never figure out how to be happy with themselves. You will discover that your parents are in fact, just people. They make mistakes, and don’t always make the best decisions, just like you and everyone else. You’ll discover that your sister is just a person also, with fears and insecurities, and the two of you are more alike than you ever imagine, and will someday be best friends.

Don’t fight so hard to fit in, because it’s your differences that make you awesome, and someday you will realize that even the popular kids are fighting to fit in too. No one has it easy in life, we all just fight different battles.  

Be yourself, because you are pretty fucking cool. Who cares if other people can’t see it now, it’s your differences that make you special, and the sooner you embrace those differences, the happier you will be.

You won't always dress in such amazing outfits either!

Don’t be afraid. You are afraid of almost everything that has to do with social situations in any form. I’m still afraid of them most of the time. Some things just never change. But not being afraid sometimes will lead you on some great adventures. I have traveled the world, fallen in love, and quit my nice job in a blaze of glory. All of those things scared me to death, but taking the leap of faith has always been worth it. It’s true that the thing I regret most in my life, are the chances I didn’t take.

Make mistakes, and don’t be too upset about them. Everyone makes mistakes all the time. Some are big, some are small, but it’s how we learn. You will make mistakes about who to date, what tests you need to study for and the friends you keep. Embrace the lessons you learn from those mistakes and strive to not repete them. But some mistakes you will make several times before you learn the lesson.

Take care of yourself. I’m not talking about working out, or being on a diet, I’m talking about taking care of and protecting who you are as a person and your mental health. Your body is only your vessel, and I hate to tell you this, but you will never be skinny or “pretty”, and that’s ok. You have amazing people in your life, people who will love you inspite of your perceived flaws. I promise, you will not lack for dates, and people you find attractive will admire your naked body, and you won’t feel insecure at all about it. Remember that you can always ask for help, from anyone you trust and love and you will recieve it.

Don’t be afraid to let go of things and people. Sometimes we hold so tight to something that we stop paying attention to if we really want it in the first place. This will happen with friends, family, relationships, objects and memories. If someone or something doesn’t make you a better person in some way, then they have no business being in your life. The people you truly love will always be there for you, no matter the distance.

Just because you are about to move across the country to a place completly foreign to anything you have ever known before, don’t be afraid, because everything will be just fine. You have some exciting times coming up too. You are about to meet people who will be your closest friends, even 20 years later, and you’re going to meet the man you will marry someday, and you will never see it coming.

So, take a little time to relax and enjoy life, it’ll be the best lesson you ever learn.

Sincerly,

Me/You

Delilah's First Fish...

One of the more illustrious things about our small town is that we really go all out for the 4th of July. It's basically 4 days of games, events, booze and food.
This year, Delilah is finally able to participate in the Scrap Fish Derby, where the kids use hand-lines to catch fish, and the biggest one wins a prize. When J was a kid, this was his very favorite event, and he claims that he almost always won. In order to carry on the family tradition of victory, he decided that he and Delilah should go to the dock tonight to practice.

She was so excited, and kept saying how she was going to catch a "big one" and win the prize. When we got down to the dock and met J, who was just coming back from a bear guiding trip, she was super gung-ho about catching a fish. Within less than a minute she had a bite and J started to help her pull the fish up, where she proceeded to surprise both of us, by running away. She honestly ran all the way up the ramp screaming that the fish was "flopping" at her.

We tried hard, but we couldn't get her to come back down the ramp, so I got a lovely video of J holding the fish...

The Abortion Pill...

The Abortion Pill…

As a woman who has suffered from infertility, the Supreme Court’s decision to side with businesses like Hobby Lobby in their goal of keeping women from affordable, safe healthcare is disgusting to me. However, I do support religious freedom (even if I do believe religion is hogwash), and am more than happy to let anyone practise any religion they choose. Want to worship an invisible man in the sky? Go for it. Want to believe that he sent part of himself to earth to erase all of our “sins”? Great! Want to smear yourself in peanut butter and sing songs in praise of the peanut? Fine by me, but when your peanut overlord starts interfering in my life, that’s when we have a problem.

I personally, have never had an abortion, though I have taken Misoprostol, which is the actual “abortion pill”, three times. How can I say I have taken the “abortion pill” and never had an abortion? Because when I would successfully get pregnant with J, the first 6 babies miscarried, and neither of us could stand to wait for my body to expel it naturally, which can take weeks. I couldn’t stand the thought of carrying my dead child inside of me, so I was offered Misoprostol as an option to end the failed pregnancy. I have also had a procedure that is exactly the same as a traditional abortion when I lost the baby further along. All of these experiences were heartbreaking and made me question if I was even a woman by the standard definition.

I firmly believe that at least 98% of women who have an abortion, for whatever reason are not “happy” about it. Some do it because they are not ready to be mothers, some because they can’t support a baby, some because they can’t physically carry a baby to term, and some because the baby has already died in utero. There are as many reasons to have an abortion as there are women having them, but very few of them are doing it for fun.    

If I were to get pregnant right now, I wouldn’t get an abortion, though I would be pretty pissed to find out I was pregnant, because that is a family planning decision that my husband and I have made. If I were to have gotten pregnant at any time before the age of 25 or so, I would have walked into Planned Parenthood with my head held high. I have never been a reckless woman, I did not have unprotected sex until J and I made the decision to have children, but I also understand that birth control fails, and accidents happen. If Delilah gets pregnant and for whatever reason can’t or won’t take care of the child, then I will be right there with her at Planned Parenthood, holding her hand and telling her that everything will be ok, and that she is making the right decision. But, having access to Plan B and other emergency contraceptives is much less horrifying than having to go into the clinic and have what amounts to a medical procedure with risks, or going through labor and birth of the fetus.

While I will admit that there are certainly women who use Plan B, and abortions as their form of birth control, I don’t support what these women are doing. A woman should take her health into account and make good and informed decision about family planning. This isn’t the Dark Ages any longer, where women were essentially forced to have child after child until menopause or death during childbirth. Haven't we evolved beyond that? Aren't we moving past women being treated as second-class citizens? How come old men and corporations have more rights in regards to my body than I do? I realize that we live in an "Old Boy's Club" kind of country, and the younger generations are struggling through the decisions of our parents and grandparents generations, who see to believe they know what's best for their children, but what rulings like the Hobby Lobby ruling have done, is shown the world, that America isn't really the Home of the Free if the few can take away the rights of the many.