Dear Delilah,
This time last year, we were all miserable. Me, Daddy and Nana
were waiting and waiting, and when I woke up on March 6, 2011, I was pretty
sure I was going to die from being so uncomfortable. Nana came out and asked what activity we were
going to do that day, since the doctor told me I needed to walk a lot. I can’t
remember exactly, but I am pretty sure my reply was along the lines of “Leave
me alone, I am not going anywhere!” That day I thought I had suddenly started
peeing on myself without any warning. They tell you it is obvious when you go
into labor and your water breaks, it’s not. Dad and I sat around all day,
watched “Silence of the Lambs” (which you can’t watch until you are 30!) and I
moaned about how miserable I was. Dad and Nana have since told me how miserable
they were too, but neither of them acted like it at the time.
Around 4pm, I pitched a fit because I wanted some Chinese
food, and I wanted it NOW!! Dad and Nana left to get me some to eat, and while
they were gone, I talked to your Auntie Erin and she said I needed to call the
nurse, because you don’t just start peeing on yourself. The nurse at the
hospital told me to come in, and then I had to wait for Daddy and Nana to come
back. I should have eaten the Chinese food in the car, because once I got to
the hospital they wouldn’t let me eat anything. But when we got there, we found
out that you were on the way!
It’s a crazy moment when you realize you only have a short
time before you meet your child. Dad and I sat there and talked about how this
was the last time it would ever be “just us”, and how we were excited and
scared at the same time. We waited so long for you, and worked so hard to have
you, and it was just crazy to think all of that was going to pay off, and we
were going to be a family.
The nurses told us that I was already having contractions
every 3 minutes and that my water had been broken for almost a whole day. They
were amazed that I didn’t feel anything, so they gave me some medicine to speed
things up. By 7pm we were in a room that would be all of our homes for the next
3 days. Let me tell you a little something about being in labor, it is even
more horrible than you can possible imagine. Honestly, it seemed impossible
that you could hurt so bad and not be actively dying. By 11 pm I was shrieking
for the doctor to come in and give me the epidural (which is a giant needle
they shove in your back, so you can’t feel anything) and as horrible as getting
that done sounds I had never been so happy in my life as when he walked in the
door. We were watching Top Gear on TV and the doctor stopped to talk to Daddy
about it, and at one point I said “Can we talk about the show after it stops
feeling like this baby is trying to come out my nose!” But if I have one piece
of advice about having a baby it’s GET THE EPIDURAL!!!! (remember that when you
have your own baby)
Dad and I promptly went to sleep, but Nana stayed awake the
whole time. At 5 am, Dr. Jolly came in and checked everything out and said “You
have at least another 2 hours, I am going to go back to sleep in the on-call
room”. She had been out of the room for no less than 2 minutes when tons of
nurses came running in the room because our alarms were going off. I had to
roll over and hang off the back of the bed, to try and help your blood
pressure, because you were not happy being inside any longer. I told someone to
wake Dad up (how he was still sleeping with all that activity going on around
him I have no idea!) and Dr. Jolly came running back in the room. Things looked
bad right then. You had no blood pressure and the doctor told me that I had 5
minutes to get you out before we went to emergency surgery. She stuck a vacuum on your head and start
pulling while I pushed and Dad just looked horrified. That vacuum popped off
your head 3 times! But after the 4th tug, out you came at exactly
5:20 am on March 7, 2011. They lay you on my belly really fast and you honestly
almost fell off, but I grabbed your leg and held on and said “Could someone
catch her!” and then they all turned around and acted like they didn’t almost
let you fall on the floor. At this point, I hadn’t even seen you yet, just felt
you and quite frankly, you were slimy. The NICU nurses and doctors took you
away across the room because you weren’t breathing. I still hadn’t seen you,
and everyone was working so hard to keep you alive, and all I thought was that
this was the worst thing ever, to finally get to have a baby and then watch her
die in the delivery room. I don’t remember what Nana and Dad were doing at this
time, everything is kind of a blur, but after what seemed like hours you
finally made the tiniest little squeak that I could hear across the room. The
first think I remember anyone saying about you was one of the nurses when she
said “She has a dimple!” and I thought that was so strange because no one in
the family has a dimple.
 |
| Here is that first picture Daddy took! You look so mad! |
They let Dad go over and take a picture of you to show me,
and you started breathing and turned pink. When they finally brought you over
for me to hold, I looked at you and couldn’t believe that I made a whole person
(with only a little help from Dad)! I also marveled at how short and stubby
your eyelashes were (which is funny because when people see you now they always
say what great eyelashes you have).
Auntie Sherina and Auntie Erin came to visit you, along with
Cousin Misty, Irish and Simon. GG called from Tennessee and Nana Joan and Poppi
called and listened to you squeak. Even then, you were so funny. You would just
flop around while eating, with your arms all splayed out. You would sleep with
your arms and legs going crazy directions, like you were just happy to be able
to stretch out.
We had to stay in the hospital for a few days because you
had a giant bruise on the back of your head from the vacuum, so you had to lay
under these special lights for another day. Nana had to go home because of her
work, so Mom and Dad were all on their own when it came to taking care of you.
We had to stay in Seattle for a whole week to make sure you were ok because we
both got an infection from me being in labor for so long and not noticing. I
remember when you were a week old and I looked at your dad and said “We have
kept her alive for a whole week!” because I was sure we were never going to get
the hang of being parents.
Over this past year, I wouldn’t say being a parent has
gotten easier, I would say that Daddy and I have adjusted to it. It has been so
amazing to watch you go from being a tiny newborn to being a kid that can walk
and talk. You amaze me every day. This has been the greatest year of my whole
life, even with all the problems I have had, because you were part of it.
I am so excited that you are going to be a big One Year Old
tomorrow. I said to your dad this morning “Can you believe we kept her alive
for a whole year!!!” Birthdays are special, and first birthdays are extra
special. It is even special for mom and dad, because we have decided we are
going to open a bottle of wine we have been saving for a special occasion for 4
whole years. You are having a birthday
party on Saturday afternoon, and it going to be all about dinosaurs!!!! It was
hard for me to pick something that you would like, since you like everything
but Ice cream and jello. So I ended up picking something that I like.
I love you more than Easter candy and scary movies,
Mom
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